Fail Better


Fail Better

“ Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”- Samuel Beckett

I cannot believe we are steadily heading towards mid-2017 and this is my first blog post for the year. Shame on me! Okay, before you bring out your pitch forks and fires give me a moment to explain myself:

I’m going to be as honest as I always am on this platform, and confess something I’ve been deeply ashamed to admit and that is… I’ve been failing.

Yes I said it, and I know what you thinking… “Isn’t she supposed to be a motivational speaker or something?” Trust me, I give myself a side eye sometimes too. However in order to help other people improve their lives I have to be honest about mine, and that honesty means sometimes admitting that I too deal with life’s issues. But before you reach for your box of tissues, please don’t cry for me, Argentina.

I have used the past few months to fail, fail, and fail some more. In work? Yes. In romance? You know that’s a yes. And in fitness? No, but I needed to add a third possibility for dramatic effect. I tell you all of this because I’m learning that the best thing about failing is it pulls you closer to yourself and forces you to grow and improve in ways that you didn’t think you were capable of.

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm”- Winston Churchill

This year has made me realise we spend so much time trying to avoid pain and failure that it keeps us in a state of fear. This fearful state then leads us to make “safe decisions” like taking the job with the guaranteed income instead of risking it all pursuing your dreams, or staying in a dead end relationship because you are afraid of the unknown.

All of these decisions are made in order to avoid discomfort, but the greatest lesson I’ve learned from 2017 is that nothing great can happen in my comfort zone. Yes, I’ve failed, but I’ve also become smarter and am more willing to take risks than I have ever been before.

So I’ve embraced the fear, am facing the unknown, and am moving forward.

Let me ask you one thing before I go: The last time you failed at something or got dumped, did you die?

If you reading this the answer is no, which means although it hurt you still made it out on the other side… so why not take that chance today, tomorrow, next week (because some things do need planning) and begin actually living a life you are proud of?

With Love Always

Candice

38Comments

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  1. V.M Glover (Greybeard Anomaly)

    In the parlance of my African-American neighborhood, “She’s ill”. Translated it means “She is exceptional at what she does”. I couldn’t think of a truer phrase. Wow.
    Keep enlightening us, trust me it works. It truly takes a village…. #inspired #failaway

    • Candice Mama

      Hi V.M Glover.

      Your message truly made my day, thank you so much for not only reading but taking the time to comment.

      Messages like yours keep me writing.

      Thanks again

      With love always

  2. Pachida

    I truly understand it. I have also been experiencing this state of failing. True the fear does eat at you from the inside out. Leaves you feeling depressed and hopeless. It’s really a dark deep hole where you must climb out really slowly. It is not easy. You can pray, motivate yourself and really try to let your family & friends support but again it’s never easy. When it rains it pours and it keepa on pouring until you come to that realization it’s okay to fail. It is truly okay to really fail epically.

    • Candice Mama

      You couldn’t be more right Pachida. We all have to embrace and tackle our own pain

      The key is to understand that the darkness just like the seasons never lasts. Winter makes room for Summer just like pain makes room for joy

      Thank you for your message

      Love and light always

  3. Pachida

    I truly understand it. I have also been experiencing this state of failing. True the fear does eat at you from the inside out. Leaves you feeling depressed and hopeless. It’s really a dark deep hole where you must climb out really slowly. It is not easy. You can pray, motivate yourself and really try to let your family & friends support but again it’s never easy. When it rains it pours and it keepa on pouring until you come to that realization it’s okay to fail. It is truly okay to really fail epically. Failure can not kill you. It hurt/ bruise you deeply but you will live.

  4. Kearatwa Aka Keke

    All your blogs make me feel like I’m sitting having wine with you my very own digital guardian angel.

    So many words to say so very little time, but just wow. Keep writing, keep shining, keep slaying us with your beauty and wisdom

  5. Lesego Maphanga

    Touché. I admire the authenticity of it all, it is easily relatable and has my creative juices flowing. I’ve got something cooking that I think you’ll be key to jump in on. I’ll call you later with details…

  6. Danine

    I ABSOLUTELY ADORE this brave, bold and SPUNKILY written piece. This has been me on so many occasions too. Yes, we didn’t die when we failed and the first step to getting back up again is to OWN OUR FLAWS AND PROCRASTINATION!!!!!! You are WINNING. Never forget your magic. You have a TON to offer this world. Love you

  7. Tracey

    I wasn’t going to comment and when I reread it this morning I had to just say thank you, thank you for sharing something so personal in such a public space.

    I have had a year where everything fell apart but your words and vulnerability have made me feel so strong again. Ive never met you and pray that someday I will but I hope you never stop realising how much your words and life inspire people even if many of them like me don’t want to comment

    Thank you and may you be blessed beyond your dreams

    • Candice Mama

      It’s said that we teach the lesson that we need the most. I am so incredibly grateful to you for this message Tracey.

      People like you and messages like these always make me feel like I’m fulfilling my purpose. So thank you.

      Sending you love and light

  8. Jason

    .<3 🙂
    I love your writings jocular attitude at addressing real, honest subject matter…
    I loved this article… Now to find an way to swallow this life-lesson tablet and it's b tea…
    But here's to honestly using the stepping stones of failures to the pinnacle of a life worth living… .. .
    Thank you Mama

  9. Thuso Ramoetelo

    I love it Candice. The fear of failure is really crippling. And most of us live with it daily. Awesome entry!!!

  10. Belinda Phewa

    This is such a great post Candicakes, always saying it as it is – with a humourous touch ofcorse! People fear failure so much but this post reminds us all to keep moving no matter what because life certainly does.

  11. Megan Kairuz

    As usual, Cands, an absolutely brilliant and relatable read. I just sat nodding my head the whole way through. It’s so important to stay real and I love that you share this side of you with everyone. We have so much more to learn from failure than we ever will from success. So here’s to all of us and the rest of 2017 – we’ll keep failing, keep learning, and keep being human. I think I say this to you in just about everything I write to you, but I can’t say it enough – continue shining your bright light because this world needs more people like you! Love you loads, amazing human!

    • Candice Mama

      I’m so grateful I never have to imagine my life without your love. Thank you so much for always being the so amazing and supportive of me and this journey

      Love you loads and may we continue to fail better

  12. New Fan Kate

    I’m fighting back the tears a friend recommended this blog to me and I’m so grateful. Last week a man I was falling in love with told me he loved somebody else and then I lost a huge job contract a few days later .

    Ive been praying for some hope in all of this and your honesty has been that answer for me . Thank you for making me choose to fail better

    From a New fan

    • Candice Mama

      Well if I didn’t know better I would say our lives are running a little parallel here. Are you me from a different area code?

      Jokes aside I relate more than you know and thank you for taking the time to comment

      Sending you love, light and healing

  13. Cherise Williams

    I am blown away! This is so beautiful my friend and I thank you for sharing this with me… It’s motivated me to continue on my journey and not let my fears hold me back… Just beautiful like you are

    • Candice Mama

      Thank you so much for your messages my friend, when we share our stories we realise that we aren’t alone in this journey.

      We just keep pushing through the pain

      All my love

  14. Busisiwe

    Tjo Candice Mama you have ways of speaking truth to my situation without even realizing that you writing precisely to me friend.My whole body was painful like I was hit by a truck and Inside I felt like I had enough and that was Just last week when I had a very rude awakening and for a moment almost gave up on trying because I felt like a failure.Then some random person on fb sent me an inbox which then got me thinking I have actually failed my self in most instances but not the people I serve with so much love and passion but if I quit now I would indeed have failed both my self and the people that believe in this dream.Staying focused on success is the reason for my failure so I figured let me forget the success for now and enjoy the process.This PHD business has really dealt with me in more ways than you can ever think off and coming to think of it now I’m only soldiering on because I’m scared of failure…I keep thinking if I stop now I would have failed ? is failure such a bad thing?What is it about failing that really keeps me in bed for two consecutive days test that’s what I did last week just stayed in bed and thought of a come back stragety.

  15. Busisiwe Ntsele

    Tjo Candice Mama you have ways of speaking truth to my situation without even realizing that you writing precisely to me friend.My whole body was painful like I was hit by a truck and Inside I felt like I had enough and that was Just last week when I had a very rude awakening and for a moment almost gave up on trying because I felt like a failure.Then some random person on fb sent me an inbox which then got me thinking I have actually failed my self in most instances but not the people I serve with so much love and passion but if I quit now I would indeed have failed both my self and the people that believe in this dream.Staying focused on success is the reason for my failure so I figured let me forget the success for now and enjoy the process.This PHD business has really dealt with me in more ways than you can ever think off and coming to think of it now I’m only soldiering on because I’m scared of failure…I keep thinking if I stop now I would have failed ? is failure such a bad thing?What is it about failing that really keeps me in bed for two consecutive days test that’s what I did last week just stayed in bed and thought of a come back stragety.

    • Candice Mama

      Wow my friend, when we share our own pain we realise that we aren’t alone. Thank you so much for your words and for sharing.

      May we continue to grow through our pain and not in the absence of it

      Sending you love

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