Single And Not So Ready To Mingle

Single And Not So Ready To Mingle

“I’m single because I’m an independent woman who doesn’t need a man” – This and other statements that have kept me alone and on the road to acquiring twenty-three cats

As I get ready to rush out the door I hit a screeching halt, I take a look in the mirror and realise I haven’t even taken a moment to digest the fact that I’m going on a date. I’ve done all the semantics of getting dressed, smelling good and packing breath mints but not once did I stop to wonder why I’m going on a date with this man. I have allowed dating to be something I do because I know it has to be done but I’ve had no clear outcome I mean after all I’m an independent smart woman who does NOT need a man.

So after a short quiet contemplation I head out to meet my possible suitor, who’s looking fresh faced and happy to see me.

“Hi there, you look like you’ve seen a ghost” I quip as I give him a hug

“I didn’t think you’d come” he says with a chuckle

After we settle in and place our orders, I quietly take it all in awaiting the dreaded question I know is bound to come and that has hit me on every single date. He looks at me almost assessing when would be the best time to ask finally he says:

“So why is a girl like you single?”

I laugh not only because the question was like a train – never late. Rather that no matter how many times I hear this question it has thrown me completely for a loop.

“Well because I’m an independent smart woman and I don’t actually need a man I want one” I say and regret the words as soon as they escape my mouth

“Like a pet then?” He laughs whole heartedly

I chuckle out of pure embarrassment at how brazen my answer had been and look around trying to find my nearest exit

He continues “Well my dear, men have to feel needed, no matter how smart and independent you are. Approaching women is difficult enough but if you don’t need us what’s the point”

Wow then it hit me, I had been sabotaging any hopes of dating a good man because I had fallen into what I call the “misguided feminist trap” trying to compete head to head with a man. Instead of realising that being a feminine woman is the greatest weapon any woman has. A man was not interested in dating another man, at least not the ones who were asking me out and that is exactly what I gave them on every date.

Even though things didn’t quite work out with myself and the suitor, I learnt more on that date then I had on most talk shows. I was guilty of professing the stereotype that there were no good men left however since then I always joke with my friends that I am the United Nations of dating,  age and colour do not matter to me, turns out even the UN has entry requirements.

I have had to allow myself to stick to my standards for what I expect out of a relationship whilst also packing away my alpha self when going out to meet these men. I am a woman, I’m smart, I’m a go getter, I can be tough as nails however that is not all I am. I have been using this as a protective shield to keep my heart from being broken but I’ve learnt that hearts are meant to be used not stored.

I now proudly proclaim that I am a feminist who loves loving and being loved and that is OKAY

I now strive to live like a Phenomenal Woman – Maya Angelou


Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size  

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,  

The stride of my step,  

The curl of my lips.  

I’m a woman


Phenomenal woman,  

That’s me.


I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,  

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.  

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.  

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,  

And the flash of my teeth,  

The swing in my waist,  

And the joy in my feet.  

I’m a woman



Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.


Men themselves have wondered  

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,  

They say they still can’t see.  

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,  

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman


Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.


Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.  

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.  

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,  

The bend of my hair,  

the palm of my hand,  

The need for my care.  

’Cause I’m a woman


Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.


With Love Always

Candice Mama

+ There are no comments

Add yours